how can I phrase it?

6/6/15

After a guy goes for his first appointment with a psychiatrist, he tells his friend he went in thinking he had a million problems and was miserable - despairing. He couldn't figure it out which problem to address first. Now he feels great. He is practically floating on air.

What happened asks his friend? The doctor reduced my problems to hardly anything at all. Wow says the friend, sounds unbelievable. No it's true. Here's what happened:

Doctor I've got a shitload of problems.

Dr. What are your problems?

My wife, my boss, my job, my career, my children, my health, my credit rating...

Dr. Can you say a little more about each problem?

My wife is always fighting with my mother. My boss reminds me of a younger version of my mother, my job is not what I like but my mother thinks it's the perfect job for me. My father hated his career, but my mother felt I should go into the family business to help my father and build a career, then she and dad hired my boss, passing me over for a promotion. My children are spoiled by their grandmother. My mother says I should stop smoking. My mother says I should stop drinking. My mother says I should go to the gym. My mother tells me to go for a checkup and take care of my health. My mother says if I used my common sense I would have a better credit rating...my mother tells me I should be more confident and less nervous.

Dr. Enough!

That's another thing: my mother never lets me talk.

Dr. You have only one problem.

I feel so much better. What's my problem?

Dr. ... Hmmm... Well, how can I phrase it?