I’m Glad it’s Nothing Serious

A new mini play scene by Dennis Lieberson

Edited by his longtime man about town and first rate first cousin

Dennis and Doc are both men in their early 60s.

Dennis is continually interrupting Doc.

(From Black.)

Dennis: So I go to the doctor. (Walks a few steps to a previously dark part of the stage where we now see a barebones doctor’s office.)

Doc: Hello, Dennis. How are...

Dennis: So do you have the results?

Doc: Yes, please have a seat.

Dennis: It’s that bad that I have to sit down?

Doc: No, not at all. I just want you to be...

Dennis: Prepared? That’s it. I’ve got to put my affairs in order. How much time do I have left?

Doc: There’s good news...

Dennis: and bad news. Hit me with the worst part first.

Doc: There really is no...

Dennis: No point?  No hope? Doc, you’re killing me. Just spit it out.

Doc: What I’m trying to say...

Dennis: Yeah, you want to make it easy for me.

Doc: No, that’s not what I...

Dennis: Ok. So you don’t want to make it easy for me. No euthanasia in this country. I could get medicinal marijuana till I fly overseas.

Doc: Hold on. Calm down.

Dennis: How can I calm down when you’re hinting at all this terrible stuff?

Doc: I’m not hinting at...

Dennis: No. Ok. You’re not hinting. You’re scaring the begeebees out of me. Oh, ok. It’s alright. I’m pulling myself together. What’s the worst? I mean my wife has a job. The kids are grown with good jobs. I’ve got a cemetery plot. Anyway, Hell I don’t want to be around when the computers take over. What’s that called?Man. I should know that. I’m a systems analyst. Is memory loss the first sign of whatever I’ve got?

Doc: (totally exasperated, mocking him.) Like the commercial says: when you took that tranquilizer you got a side effect.

You just have a mild to moderate case of death.

Dennis: WHAT!!!

Doc: Just kidding.

What you have is nothing a little yoga won’t fix.

Dennis: Why didn’t you tell me it was nothing serious?

CURTAIN