the galactic champion

The planet Hypnos had known peace for its entire sleepy history.

A friendly moon, Nyx, blessed the little orb with untroubled nights. Eirene, a minor goddess in other constellations, here ruled benevolently through her village elders known collectively as the Aikidoans.

Of course, as in all these stories, there was something little Hypnos had that was coveted - in this case by the Adephagians.  It was not peace the Adephagians wanted. They needed plutonium from Hypnos' core. Not some of it- all of it. Of course the only way to get it was to destroy the little planet. 

Unlikely as it sounds, Hypnos had never before been attacked. Lucky for the Hypnotians, they had uncanny abilities to see possible futures. Although they were in general a slow moving group of beings, many colors were they- green, some blue with blond hair, others white with dark eyes, some red with jet black hair and pale gray- green eyes- their movements were always in propitious directions. There was no waste to their efforts.

A plan was made; a plan was executed. Peace resumed. Hypnotians were among the greatest scientists and philosophers of the known universe. They found, by telepathy, the reason Adephagians needed plutonium- they had only this one source of energy. Hypnoticians long ago learned to never rely solely on one source.

Much to the Adephagians surprise, their supreme commander received a polite little note which was also broadcast on all their social media saying "Greetings to all Adephagians from Hypnos. We understand you need fuel and believe only plutonium can serve your purposes. We offer you - there was a footnote with a chemical formula - this alternative solution whose raw materials can be easily found on your moon, Rolling Stone. It is there you will get satisfaction to your energy needs. If you would like help in designing a pollution-free mining and refining process, you can reply to this message, by hitting "All." We wish you success and peace."

Of course the Adephagians suspected this was a Trojan Horse- they had studied mythology from many other planets.

Some renegade -and very courageous -Adephagian scientists tried the formula suggested by the Hypnotians which they found to work exactly as promised. Their leaders however were bent on pillage and destruction. So they told their people about the Trojan horse analogy and exiled their brave scientists to the Land of Five Rivers where they were given gourmet food, luxurious homes, everything they could want except water. That is except for the river, Lethe. As soon as these thirsting academics drank, they lost their memories of science and became shepherds and farmers who played the rebec.

Meanwhile, the Adephagian warships sped to Hypnos. The Hypnotians who had no acquaintance with fear or anxiety saw all this coming. They hacked an instability into the reactor aboard each of the hostile vessels which caused a warp in their space-time continuum. The result: the entire Adephagian armada and its home planet were returned to an earlier time before they had need for either plutonium or any advanced technology- it was a time when the planet produced glorious vases, urns decorated with scenes of their gods, most notably sea gods riding horse-drawn chariots. 

Over the next millennia, Adephagia changed its name Adepoju. It learned to channel all its aggression into sports. It developed the cult of - and became the galactic champion of - football.