pay before the session

Hello, Doctor.

Hello patient, client, whatever you’d like to be called. What brings you in?

I am not too fat nor am I too thin

Not too angry most of the time nor do I overly grin.

I’ve wasted my life, well not exactly.

Slightly perfectionist, often solipsistic always narcissistic, when I do get angry, I go ballistic irritating everyone as a matter of fact-Leader, follower neither am I-why bother to try?

I have no theory of mind. That’s why I’m often unkind.

I’m overly sensitive, disconnected, often antisocial that’s why my cohort has left me behind. You will find without digging too deep, I put myself down one whole big heap. A leap of faith is all I need. Make positive thoughts my creed. Or maybe I should try weed?

Aha you’re a little depressed!

Yes, yes, I’m a messed up and down my moods make me a clown, often weird feeling unsafe with people, whether in a synagogue, mosque or up a church steeple. 

Let’s more precisely define your problem, okay?

Whatever you say, doc. You’re on the clock.

Perhaps a little suicidal ideation, beliefs in imminent reincarnation?

HDAD, BPD, MPD, paranoia, perhaps you think you’re Francisco José de Goya? psychosomatic phantom limbic pain?

No, none of those really fit my situational strain.

What then? I’ve got a large menu to choose from.

Don’t be dumb. Have a look through my DSM Five.

I did so to keep the conversation alive.

Doctor, doctor I’m not exactly a concoctor.

Nothing is really wrong, but I can’t seem to learn enough to be a psychology buff- or make my life work better so results are commensurate with effort. Perhaps I work on the wrong things or the right things in the wrong way. All day my mind ruminates. Especially at night do these thoughts take flight. No wonder my dates think I should be in a nice white jacket with sedated cell mates.

Ah the stuff of pipe dreams, midnight screams, a little Hägen Daz vanilla, chocolate mint, ice creams- with a swirl.

You’re a boy. Did you ever think of being a girl?

Unfurl your flag, don’t let yourself gag, even if you be a fag, there’s still a time lag.

Hey one of your internal family members could even be an old hag.

Thanks doc, I feel a lot better, you sure chose the right profession.

Good thing I made him pay before the session.