Make it stand out.

Saturday, October 12, 2019I’m proud of you now. And how You work through your snitBit by bit. One of these days. You’ll find betters ways. ****To paraphrase what the sign saidIn the dead of night, in the dead of winter (hint her) instead Of Danny Devito continuing to work as a makeup taker offerHis acting career took off, getting better and better offers. ***I’ve been asked (Taken to task?)If my shorter poems are haikus. Wouldn’t know how to write one Earnestly, not even for fun. ***His comment still ranklesThough exceedingly helpful. Full of resistance Too much do I protest with insistence. No longer a life sentence. Stay in the moment, stay in the roomTwo thirds less gloom. Exchanging violas for violins A modest grin induced by a hangover from wine not gin. ***A dream I had with swimming. The memory shreds: it’s thinning. The water was brown, far out of town.The sky was brown. The woods were leafless and brown too. Everything was a dull lifeless brown stew. Fallen rotting trees no longer grew. The dead forest suggested the dearth of life on all the earth. I could see through the trees. There was nothing more to be. Branches gnarled, bark asunder From it, all life had been plundered. A narrow, muddy river, give or take Not a lake. No snakes or alligators, though not sedate. I swam with another man. There was urgency. We ran A risk in the brisk dirty water.  To my left were lots of logs Other debris, but not hogs. The swimming channel was narrow.It was shallow, in places rocky.We were sufficiently muscular, stocky To continue the swim. Was my companion Jim?His dress shirt was bright whiteA stark contrast with the sunless dun in our path of flight. He was ahead of me at the right. It was day, almost dark as the fall of night. That was the second scene. The first occurred before not between. (As seen now quite clearly, as the blurLifts off my bed of hurt and burrs. Mom being there makes it a dream of his and hers.)A very black black man and one that was tan made up the quartet with me and mom. The tan man wore a tan military suit. He becomes stockier, more robust the more I concentrate on this character. His epaulettes have dark metal buttons. His breast pockets were pleated, also buttoned up. He is in the hall. Perhaps there is a reason he is not entering the locker room. Is it too small?Is he too tall?We were in a locker room which doesn’t exist at all. I look past the open doorway.I see the hallway Of mom’s parents’ Second avenue, low rent Dwelling, narrow in gray shadow light. (Quite compelling.)(Analyzing this, there’s no telling What I’ll discover, uncovering something of value unlocking me from my last pass of examination of my past.) Looking past that gray lightI might see the warm caringGlow of the dining room. Less gloom there, Even less as I peer, not stare Into the overly bright white kitchen. I’m uncomfortable but not bitchin With bitcoin as I rejoin focus to the locus of the locker room aisles with rows of green lockers, no tiles. Slanted down air vents lent a crowded feel Not meant to appeal Nor have a seal of approval for imminent removal. Though no purchase tagsThere were new black bags Like those used for practicing boxing. They looked so shinny and new as if fresh out of the box. Something, perhaps one of them was missing. No kissing, no kidding: The room was painted that dull, pale green, I mean with a dingy feel. My eye on the big, burly black guy I suspected he would stealNot overly intimidating. The tan guy, a law-enforcement agent lead the other into that hallway. The dream, I dreamed last night had no flutes played by Gallway. I dreamt in fall. It now begins to fall away. 

Friday, October 11, 2019

***

“If you can’t change your mind 

Are you sure you have a mind?”

I find this kind of puts me in a bind. 

So quoted Howie. 

Pretty zowie. 

I’m not sure I mind not having a mind. 

If you don’t mind, I’ll change the topic to 

Probiotics, hypnotics or anything at all

To get us out of this thralling pall

From the bumper sticker 

Quick and quicker. 

Why do I find it so uncomfortable?

What rhymes with that?

Who knows? it’s no longer my time at bat. 

So Howie’s stumbled upon my issue. 

I can’t change. 

Is that really so strange?

Except that it’s not true. 

****

Here I am am Keira’s party. 

The kids are all geniuses, real smarties. 

I start to feel ok talking with the guest of honor. 

Partly cause she’s losing her memory. 

I feel comfortable with people who are suffering though she’s cheerful as is Lisa 

Who gets so sad and down. 

Sounding her pronoun, 

Is her weight too light?

I noticed her thinness more tonight. 

I felt on the outside especially when they talked of and sang songs. 

I balked. Stayed upright, uptight, all caulked. 

Reminded myself several times of Ira’s words to “stay in the room. Don’t speak compulsively. Don’t repeat.”

Getting past my defensive anger is a trick pretty neat, hard to beat. 

No bangers or mash

A mask of anger 

Anger against and again 

When do I start?

Hey!

I do my part. 

****

Bring me an extra Zoloft. 

Keep my spurs on, my spirits aloft. 

At group, I was angry at Ira, but heeded his advice. 

I chose to notice and not act on my anger because I didn’t want to lose the good feeling I have with the others. 

Another night I might have previously picked a fight. 

He complains that I repeat myself. 

Everyone but me did that tonight. 

He complains that I talk about stuff outside, in my life... such as with my wife. 

They all did that too. 

I avoided strife. 

There is something else going on with Ira’s irritation with me. 

Perhaps he feels I don’t value him enough 

In looking for a therapist on my plan. 

He knows I’m retired and interested in CBT

Could it be counter- transference?

Deference to a degree?

Work through this snit. 

Stay with him a longer little bit. 

It is getting to be time to graduate 

from my sabbatical of late. 

****

Apologizing and agonizing out of the gate 

Does not to a better fate put food on my plate. 

I’ve sated of that. 

Dated, it’s old hat. 

I could prevaricate, even lie 

Like that guy who tweets 

Morning, noon, when he should be asleep and probably when he eats his cheeseburgers with Chinese food 

No good comes from his manipulations

Certainly not for any democratic nations. 

The Russians floated the idea from Aeroflot, above and below.

You know what they did?

Those sneaky Ruskies?

They got dumpf to dump it on Ukraine 

Hold up their aid 

Bade good-bye to our allies, The Kurds 

So Turkey in cahoots with former Soviet nukes could threaten Europe with more refugees including Isis fighters who got freed as our fearless leader promised he’s unleashing Isis in Europe. 

He trips lightly with the fate of people. 

Oh, that Chinese hoax- global heating 

Wasn’t important enough for him, skipped out of the meeting. 

Fleetingly, for he changes his mind- kind of all the time- he considers our friends to be foes who knows how far he’ll go 

To cozy up to dictators far and wide who pretend to be on our side. 

I’ve elided from my original premise. 

So back to the premise I promised. 

A ternary form is often my norm. 

A storm of wise funnies while if I lied and betrayed like that faux noble reality star I go far to maybe even the local bar. 

I would have stayed 

Uptight and staid. 

“What me worry?” 

While he hurried to make out with the maid. 

Thursday, October 10, 2019

Ira and I are having a tense time. 

Not so very sublime. 

I’ve offended him. 

I’m sorry for that. 

I’ll be a cool cat with a beard nicely trimmed. 

I’m angry; he’s annoyed. 

He’s helped me a lot. 

Still my irritating insensitive ways have made him uncomfortable

Back to his annoyance. 

He’s annoyed

that I toyed wasting time in group 

on-well- compulsive talking loops. 

Hell, that’s a reasonable reason. 

Silliness and mediative stillness 

make this the season to confront my mental illness. 

Stay on topic. 

Don’t hop from Capricorn to Coptic vacationing in the Tropics. 

Don’t despair that I’ll never improve. 

It’s behooves me to see all the good. 

I should stay in the room, sans gloom. 

Soon learn to be concise, friendly and precise. 

Of course what will actually happen is a roll the dice. 

***

Yes, Beth is a success. 

Now with less 

On her plate she can travel with her mate. 

Forty plus years of work 

Joy and yes, sometimes she was irked. 

Clerks, clericals, deans, profs and students were helped by her professional, organizational and interpersonal skills. 

It has been a thrill to see her thrive. 

Busy as a thousand bees sweetly emerging from a hive. 

Now time to dive into the next chapter. 

We’ll clap her on the back. 

Have a snack

She’ll get onto to a healthier track. 

Four days a week is hardly retired. 

That’s the way she’s wired. 

Integrity to the max

Accompanied by numerous other positive facts

Now time to relax. 

Highly respected

Her collected wisdom 

Is something from which we can learn 

It has earned her a place in the heart of Stern. 

Negative feelings arise 

No surprise. 

Sadness mixed and melded with gladness 

Oh what a relief it is 

Said Al K. drinking seltzer 

But bubbles beware of Beth. 

***

With ear-worms, I’ve come to terms. 

Foreign words remove from those germinal audio germs the last traces 

Of faceless tunes from my intercostal and synaptic spaces.  

***

If I’m no longer of people afraid

What keeps me at home with instruments unplayed?

***

A dumb dome of inadequate feeling

Isn’t very appealing 

Stealing a moment to write 

Morning and night 

What about noon?

Oh, too soon, so said Rev. Moon 

A cult, a fad, a religion despotic

Not only that. 

It was devastatingly hypnotic. 

****

A bright spot or two in my busy day 

Good easy ways to spend my retirement 

More of a sabbatical 

I’m less fantastically fanatical 

Closer to being up to the task 

Less basking in the past

Less basking too at Baskin and Robbins 

Guzzling milkshakes to calm myself down. 

Why did I not learn to do my job better around town?

While better than booze or a snoozy snooze dreaming of Suzzie is unproductive at best 

Lest I forget I’m eager to continue composing and all the rich rest of each non-teaching endeavor 

No need to ask, Bill, Frank, Bob or Trevor. 

***

He was in a meditative state. 

Is that Hawaii?

Eee, I, Eee, I

Oh, old Mike Michael

Had a farm 

As a Buddhist, does no harm. 

How was the monks’ visit?

Did it elicit 

A fresh insight?

It might emerge tonight. 

Give me a text or a call. 

Saturday or Sunday or even Monday. 

Friday, October 11, 2019

***

“If you can’t change your mind 

Are you sure you have a mind?”

I find this kind of puts me in a bind. 

So quoted Howie. 

Pretty zowie. 

I’m not sure I mind not having a mind. 

If you don’t mind, I’ll change the topic to 

Probiotics, hypnotics or anything at all

To get us out of this thralling pall

From the bumper sticker 

Quick and quicker. 

Why do I find it so uncomfortable?

What rhymes with that?

Who knows? it’s no longer my time at bat. 

So Howie’s stumbled upon my issue. 

I can’t change. 

Is that really so strange?

Except that it’s not true. 

****

Here I am am Keira’s party. 

The kids are all geniuses, real smarties. 

I start to feel ok talking with the guest of honor. 

Partly cause she’s losing her memory. 

I feel comfortable with people who are suffering though she’s cheerful as is Lisa 

Who gets so sad and down. 

Sounding her pronoun, 

Is her weight too light?

I noticed her thinness more tonight. 

I felt on the outside especially when they talked of and sang songs. 

I balked. Stayed upright, uptight, all caulked. 

Reminded myself several times of Ira’s words to “stay in the room. Don’t speak compulsively. Don’t repeat.”

Getting past my defensive anger is a trick pretty neat, hard to beat. 

No bangers or mash

A mask of anger 

Anger against and again 

When do I start?

Hey!

I do my part. 

****

Bring me an extra Zoloft. 

Keep my spurs on, my spirits aloft. 

At group, I was angry at Ira, but heeded his advice. 

I chose to notice and not act on my anger because I didn’t want to lose the good feeling I have with the others. 

Another night I might have previously picked a fight. 

He complains that I repeat myself. 

Everyone but me did that tonight. 

He complains that I talk about stuff outside, in my life... such as with my wife. 

They all did that too. 

I avoided strife. 

There is something else going on with Ira’s irritation with me. 

Perhaps he feels I don’t value him enough 

In looking for a therapist on my plan. 

He knows I’m retired and interested in CBT

Could it be counter- transference?

Deference to a degree?

Work through this snit. 

Stay with him a longer little bit. 

It is getting to be time to graduate 

from my sabbatical of late. 

****

Apologizing and agonizing out of the gate 

Does not to a better fate put food on my plate. 

I’ve sated of that. 

Dated, it’s old hat. 

I could prevaricate, even lie 

Like that guy who tweets 

Morning, noon, when he should be asleep and probably when he eats his cheeseburgers with Chinese food 

No good comes from his manipulations

Certainly not for any democratic nations. 

The Russians floated the idea from Aeroflot, above and below.

You know what they did?

Those sneaky Ruskies?

They got dumpf to dump it on Ukraine 

Hold up their aid 

Bade good-bye to our allies, The Kurds 

So Turkey in cahoots with former Soviet nukes could threaten Europe with more refugees including Isis fighters who got freed as our fearless leader promised he’s unleashing Isis in Europe. 

He trips lightly with the fate of people. 

Oh, that Chinese hoax- global heating 

Wasn’t important enough for him, skipped out of the meeting. 

Fleetingly, for he changes his mind- kind of all the time- he considers our friends to be foes who knows how far he’ll go 

To cozy up to dictators far and wide who pretend to be on our side. 

I’ve elided from my original premise. 

So back to the premise I promised. 

A ternary form is often my norm. 

A storm of wise funnies while if I lied and betrayed like that faux noble reality star I go far to maybe even the local bar. 

I would have stayed 

Uptight and staid. 

“What me worry?” 

While he hurried to make out with the maid. 

Thursday, October 10, 2019

Ira and I are having a tense time. 

Not so very sublime. 

I’ve offended him. 

I’m sorry for that. 

I’ll be a cool cat with a beard nicely trimmed. 

I’m angry; he’s annoyed. 

He’s helped me a lot. 

Still my irritating insensitive ways have made him uncomfortable

Back to his annoyance. 

He’s annoyed

that I toyed wasting time in group 

on-well- compulsive talking loops. 

Hell, that’s a reasonable reason. 

Silliness and mediative stillness 

make this the season to confront my mental illness. 

Stay on topic. 

Don’t hop from Capricorn to Coptic vacationing in the Tropics. 

Don’t despair that I’ll never improve. 

It’s behooves me to see all the good. 

I should stay in the room, sans gloom. 

Soon learn to be concise, friendly and precise. 

Of course what will actually happen is a roll the dice. 

***

Yes, Beth is a success. 

Now with less 

On her plate she can travel with her mate. 

Forty plus years of work 

Joy and yes, sometimes she was irked. 

Clerks, clericals, deans, profs and students were helped by her professional, organizational and interpersonal skills. 

It has been a thrill to see her thrive. 

Busy as a thousand bees sweetly emerging from a hive. 

Now time to dive into the next chapter. 

We’ll clap her on the back. 

Have a snack

She’ll get onto to a healthier track. 

Four days a week is hardly retired. 

That’s the way she’s wired. 

Integrity to the max

Accompanied by numerous other positive facts

Now time to relax. 

Highly respected

Her collected wisdom 

Is something from which we can learn 

It has earned her a place in the heart of Stern. 

Negative feelings arise 

No surprise. 

Sadness mixed and melded with gladness 

Oh what a relief it is 

Said Al K. drinking seltzer 

But bubbles beware of Beth. 

***

With ear-worms, I’ve come to terms. 

Foreign words remove from those germinal audio germs the last traces 

Of faceless tunes from my intercostal and synaptic spaces.  

***

If I’m no longer of people afraid

What keeps me at home with instruments unplayed?

***

A dumb dome of inadequate feeling

Isn’t very appealing 

Stealing a moment to write 

Morning and night 

What about noon?

Oh, too soon, so said Rev. Moon 

A cult, a fad, a religion despotic

Not only that. 

It was devastatingly hypnotic. 

****

A bright spot or two in my busy day 

Good easy ways to spend my retirement 

More of a sabbatical 

I’m less fantastically fanatical 

Closer to being up to the task 

Less basking in the past

Less basking too at Baskin and Robbins 

Guzzling milkshakes to calm myself down. 

Why did I not learn to do my job better around town?

While better than booze or a snoozy snooze dreaming of Suzzie is unproductive at best 

Lest I forget I’m eager to continue composing and all the rich rest of each non-teaching endeavor 

No need to ask, Bill, Frank, Bob or Trevor. 

***

He was in a meditative state. 

Is that Hawaii?

Eee, I, Eee, I

Oh, old Mike Michael

Had a farm 

As a Buddhist, does no harm. 

How was the monks’ visit?

Did it elicit 

A fresh insight?

It might emerge tonight. 

Give me a text or a call. 

Saturday or Sunday or even Monday.