Poems Collection Nine a

 Saturday, March 21, 2020

Wo ai ni I love ❤️ you in Mandarin 

I love you in Hebrew too

In any language I would want to woo

my beautiful Beth 

Wo ai ni Even more you see

In these days of difficulties seen on TV. 

In spite of the bad news

Beth, Danny and I choose 

Being in work mode, focused, less confused.  Less short fused.A little less booze 🥃 Would also be good news. ****+%}{{#^**She said when I took her suggestions as affrontsThough each tiny, small like little league bunts She said get over it. Get it into my thick head Lighten up instead. You are sufficiently fed therapy on the couch even on the phone in bed. You are sufficiently well-read. So go out in the world. Help others in needEnough of self-absorbed greed. “Get over it” should be your personal creed. Adding to what she saidShe said That’s how people get ahead. Time passed. Time elapsed. Out of exhaustion, eventually I collapsed from Pushing her boxes out of the Way so I could get clothes to wear every day She promisedby summer she would clear the bedroom of boxes 📦 at least enough so I could open my closet blocked as though with locks and guardian fixed rate foxes catches salmon and little loxesI asked in July Why she had not cleared it so I could get to my clothes and supplies. She didn’t deny. Not one bit. Looking me straight in the eye She said“Yes, by summer I said.”(I should have known since for decades we have been wed.)She added and saidPushing still more stuff under the bed instead Of clarifying what she wasn’t denying. Trying to be patient in this trying home life, homestead She finally said “Yes, I’ll clean from in front of the closet even  under the bed, dear. I just didn’t say, in which year. It’s all ok 👍. In one ear Out the other. But when she finds my poems about her some of them, sometimes a little bit mean This king wants to say to the queenDon’t take jokes as affrontsGet over it That’s how people stay happily wed. *%{#^****For the first time in my lifeWith my dear, dear wife We have horseplay fit for a teen Hitherto unseen in-between The cold shoulderAnger and resentment which did smolderLightening up as we grow happily older. When she said “I got you everything you wanted.”Without missing a beat, a turnip or Cornish hen I asked “Then, when... what time the hooker is coming?”Promptly she playfully throws at me a roll of paper towelsTo my howls of laughter instead of putting them in fridge and the deep freeze she covered me groceries up to well reallywell past my knees. ***What’s up with my friend, my colleague Bill?We had a grand old time hanging out. So what’s his chillness about?In my conversation with Bill Despite my undisguised admiration for this fellow, a slightly older brother with so much in common Like a fanfare for the uncommon commonality of our common positions our common stands With talk of band standsDid I instill, envy, anger, enmity?Could beNews of my past unpleasant history. He resurrected as we parted so going our own ways to our own griefs, happinesses, my former captain Oh captain, my captain Still inspiring, more relaxed perhaps a bit tanAlso free of the DOEHe can and could and did And was happy to recall myNickname, “maestro”And Bill being one of my many maestrosI’m rich in teachers, so it goes. Don’t give up the ship It could be a blip If here’s any chance of resuming Our friendship Stop 🛑 giving lipService to self respect ✊ Since in him, I detect desire for closure With Bill, my former boss (We did glossOver less congenial moments rough We toughen, As we toughed it. So this old geezer Ken Will then put our friendship on ice, in the freezerAnd take a breather. ****From time to time cleaning the kitchen Like an over-charged OCD cleaning machine Is not only avoidance of the taxes it also Relaxes. Yes cleaning the kitchen Does not require nagging or hitching My cart to a much dust encrusted dead star. Cleaning the kitchen I do of my own volition. No, not needed are nagging or hitching Nor doth it require repeated bitching. ***In spite of the bad newsOh, so much bad news. Beth, Danny and I choose Being in work mode, focused, less confused.  Less short in the fuse.A little less drugs and booze 🥃 Would also be good news. ****Oh Ira, with your good intentyou help me be confident. Recognizing, happily utilizing All aglow, lit, fully alive No more striving Needed forinner strengths, previously undervalued And denied These prizesO what a pleasant surprise!I can hold my own in more conversations  arguments too!Make a living in ways which strengthen and occasionally enriched. With moods more even, less high pitched From head to foot soles, my soul reaching gradually greater goals. I’m calmer, more appropriateGenerally relaxed as issues I faceIncreasingly complex attacks from what seemed like all sides now are prioritized With little effort.  I’m one of the guys Just as much a real man 👨 As any other who can Do and be ok in the worldHappy to be with people Happily to be often free Of envy too. You help me fulfill my Dreams one I had last night Two of my operas were being performed. The first at Juilliard in a note- perfect rendition Done on one rehearsal. I felt that school Played me for a fool. The show had no feeling, icy ❄️ coldNot coolWithout trying to be inappropriately bold I was told my newer opera was in rehearsals at the Met. Heading there as fast as I could get Repeatedly waylaid going to the same schools and hospitals 🏥 I finally get out of that frustration loop and get to the Met. It is so glorious there. Where with golden chandeliers and gold trim on all the walls Red carpetSingers on stage Orchestra in the pit All is going in a flow No self doubt now No buts, ifs, and it qualifying “Yet...”...Can’t get better than that So in the dream I soon almost forget The pain, humiliation, the cold shoulder I got beforeBetter things I feel are in store both in the dream and now awake getting up resiliently off the floor. I fear I’m going out on a limb here. Yet without a fretting It’s either inappropriate or unusual What today I am about to say. So...Oh...Here goes:😯Ira  Yes, Blessed with good intentyou help me be increasingly confident. 😯Ira  Recognize more your own gifts Even more More highly value, prize and own yourown strengths. A daily smile of self-appreciation Remembering the youthful math whiz The eager student of historyAnd other biz. Your successful history Yes, your gifts 🎁 will give you a lift. Heal your own internal rifts. I riff Thanking you 🙏 for all you doFor each patient/client What they need You are the true Wizard Not of OzBut of better odds Adds toConfidence building and self-esteem. One of my hopes One of my dreams Increasingly seems that that that magic for others you do For yourself you can do too. ****+%#^*****Friday, March 20, 2020Another great day For me Not so much for most of the world. What can I do to help?Finish a piece. Really polish it. Get it out there My music and words Use my intelligence and witTo help a little bit. ***Hope is what I’ve gotAlways had a little Now I’ve got a lot. ***Why don’t I publish?Fear of criticism?Fear of praise?Not exactly. What I fear Is that creativity which is so dear Will clamp up in contorted spasm and disappear. Well that’s clear And it only took a minuteNot endless additional therapy for Another twenty five years. ***=^#{%^**+**Mania Is insane Y ya Spanish for “Even now”Somehow I learn Bridges 🌉 to mend Not burn And happily, hopefully With hope and a little good luck a bit of a buck......to...... Earn. Thursday, March 19, 2020I’m not depressed. I’m numb. Don’t trade when numb. It’s not smart. It’s...****AgainI did not recognize my mania. Yet in my Roth IRA I was prudent. The money there is worth more So I’m more careful. I took losses then more than made up for them in those two accounts. What 😯 for into me when I tried to make up losses in the taxable account was a desperation unwarranted And a greed Contributing to excessive speed. *****Most of the recent days my ego Has not been attached as the markets goDown, my past twenty months profits showNo sign of returning any time soon. Would it be wise, a boonTo pull more from sticks and stones May break my bank accountBut if I do less Perhaps by not that big an amount. Tuesday, March 17, 2020Danny fights with Beth. Both are right to some degree. A plea:Please stop 🛑 I know only too well From past unfortunate spells Out of controlSo don’t extol hurt, pain and rage. Listen to each other Like a good mother Like a loving son Be done with angerNot letting it start It breaks my heart 💜 When the two I love most Are so far apart. ****Updated Not as short As I previously statedIn my last report (If I only had shorted!)It’s not so much the crash More the whiplash From mad dash in Mad dashes out Mania is more what it’s about. My sums are less (As I’m sure you guessed.)But hedging and having seen this movie 🍿 Before I was only temporarily shaken to the core. Sure I’ve made costly, very costly mistakes Greedily trying to increase my take. Trying to rake it in. I’ve been a rake and a rascal I trade therefore I lose as well as win in fat times as well as thin (Pascal?  No Descartes? Were they card sharks at dinner a la carte?)Yes, up and down In good times and bad No longer for myself sad 😞 So with reduced sumsCompulsivity making me succumb (Others too from New York to the delta in the Mekong)From the delta, I got a tipSmelled a -Wait Get a grip. The tip could be spurious, fishyI smelled a smelt!Yuck. Following advice often misunderstood-Well to put it politelyYields results which as the kids say...“It sucks.”In service of trying to earn decent bucks. Doing the whiplash dash is dumb Trying to cash in from Volatility(Though thanks to Zoloft I have less hostility.)Still with a little confidence, experience and a bit of ability I oft bought when I should have sold Ignoring advice I had been told. Being overly confident, arrogant and ridiculously bold. In sum With dashes dumb Seeking crumbs before a dream delusional, a mirage, rolled by Rollercoasters’ roiling Spoiling my spoils As I toiled with charts Never can one master this 🖼 art.Rollerblading, ice skating in Scotland on vacation from rollercoastersGenerally good for a trader. If you are on the right side of a trade Making the grade. Is it all about ego?Therefore Me go closer to broke Not yet Not really Find a dollar Lose a dollar It’s white collar Sometimes getting rid of the compulsive dog collarWith a lazy pun Going to press Under the gun I slept well Eagerly arising To what this new Brand new day offers Might be surprising Might present a present 🎁 raising the tide in the markets (and hopefully my) coffers. (Had any better offers?)Sometimes It’s wise to Cash out Dancing 🕺 that whiplash dash Intensified by the crash Making me short of cash. Is what I wrote before. In my gut In my deepest core Is curiosity. 

Curiosity is the key

Curious is who I be🌽🍍🧘‍♂️🧘‍♂️🧘‍♂️🎽🥬🧘🏻🎖🏅🎭

And whimsical. In reasonable amounts Curiosity is good for this cat Preparing for my next at bat. Tipping my hat 🎩 To Hernandez, Erwin, Selma, Dr. V, Dianne and the group. 

I’m back

If not on top 

Certainly alive and in the loop. 

Sunday, March 15, 2020Passive Aggressivisity Does not make for marital Felicity Neither Passive Aggressivisity Nor Anti-social obsessivity Make for marital Felicity. On a multiplicity of fronts She’ll give the old college try Felicity might sayher day in jail Pointless to wailGood days will come. Depending on bail. In the last century love ❤️ was blue But for Felicity bail is good too. Especially bail on a day free ofRain or hail Free to set sail on a bay so blue. So blue, this bountiful A beautiful blue sky this early blissful, blue,  clear blue sky mornAt dawn, curtains half drawn the only one awake king of the roostKing of the fantastic, the possible. dreams wondrous, achievable, goals grand. Yes barely awake The goodness of life is thereAnd here abundant to pleasantly partake. Optimistic stands I do take. Soon, soon, this early morn, I realize Glom a paraphrase from TomThough not like all the presidents’ men I’m not on the take When it comes to profiting, I am currently a fraud, a fakeNot a fluke I feelLike a rake Becoming blue, this bluest clear blue morn becoming bottomlessly forlorn. A boost from meditation 🧘‍♀️ then writingMy Beth still alighting on pillowed dreams Daylight playing on her lovely locks Still 😴 asleep A gentle lovely peep. now waking A deep breath she is taking. My beautiful, strong, super-competent Beth  hasn’t yet put on her bikini or super support exercise bra. Aha! Realizing my passivity aggressively decades-long ceaseless coming on too strong unconscious activityA proclivity for marital infelicity. Still, sans daytime bra, still under covers, two barbs In the first two minutes And my wife is not even named BarbBarbie or Barbra. It’s not endearingBut in this blue morningThis perfect blue sky morning clearing Not personalNot yet fearing After a while Minutes, hours, days, my guard worn down, My smile worn awayUsually not long after dawnI yearn to bray a mile awaydrained Chained to couch Slouch, lazy, blocked Unable to find matching socks. Clocks tic. They toc in cacophonous crescendoing clangs Against walls my head no more to bang. The gang’s affixed its clocks to wallsEnough to wallpaper toilet paper filled stalls. The gall!In despair, I no longer ✋ care. Can’t get myself out the house. Less energy than a dead, dying mouse played into a ball by a bored cat that then spat out. Wait!Anger motivates. I find socks. Find wit. The least little bit Gets me to goThough I’ve nowhere to show Knowing it’s not true There’s plenty to doObsessive rituals demand my attention. Who are you to leave the house a mess?!You didn’t empty the dishwasher! Clean the fryer. Empty the drier. Rinse the tub, scrub toilet, floorWhat’s more you’re inadequate. Study four languages!Write a poem!Do yoga, mediate, exercise, practice Compose, make money. Do them Do them by eight a.m. !I’ve been told a thousand, million times Too sensitive Overly paranoid apprehensive too self-absorbed in my pathetic little orbYou slob.Help others, volunteer, get a job. Don’t waste money 💰 On a gunny sack or bunniesChocolate 🍫 or otherwise. What? sex?!You want to talk about that again?!Didn’t you hear me?!!!!You don’t listen. I told you,I’m late for work. Maybe I could be a post office clerk. No, too afraid of people. It was always that way before work When I couldn’t get myself out the door before she was awake and barbs began. That’s just the way people talk to each otherShe always said. Can’t I see she’s not up for talk in the morning?Face turning red. Can’t I see she is late for work?I’m a desperate jerk Too eager for contact. Is it on some infernal, internal level rather better to have this uncomfortable contact than be ignored, ignited and anyway on a LSU away attacked?I felt invisible, unlovable, often disliked and un-likable When lucky, tolerated. 🛑 Stop No more complain. Restrain myself. Oblique and other objections Though I periodically exploded. It didn’t take much for me to be provoked and goaded. I could not let go of an increasing loss of self esteem, a load of self-fulfilling prophecies of humiliation bringing myself to my knees. I deserved this. Was told I was a bad person, had crossed a line. Hold the line. Reminded of being continually off-guard stung. Hung out on the line to drySlowly die Buzzards’ night nibbling Chomping at the bit Out of my wits as they flew to pluck out mine eyes. Why couldn’t I be like successful people?It seemed in my cognitively distorted way That meant everyone who had found niche, career, friends, love, success, peace of mind. Did I really think everyone was better than I?I know and knew why. Insight Did not lessen the struggleMuch until Ira put me in touch with my needing meds. Sima told me to say “ouch.”I never could. So many more years on the couch. Really chaste in a chair Chasing fantasies and delusionsLike so many windmills from nowhere, my id?Did Videos and stills Didn’t they instill a sense of confidence?Libido denied, my ego tired tryingTrying, overly trying buying bull from bullies at work, at school. self-made foolProstrating, flattening myself into a tool of whichever person was near Unconsciously then, but now clear I myself twisted in knots Not helpingBeautiful sirens beckoning Between morn and night A fight to control myself Wanting more -any affection from wife. Every present 💝 rejected Every kind gesture deflected. Every attempt to cook, clean, shop criticized. She told people I was afraid of herthat she didn’t trust meThat she felt I might turn on her at any moment. When, hoping to make her a little jealousI told her someone said I was lovable “You are lovable now Now that you’re on Zoloft.”I keep my head aloft. My conversation bores her. She says I’m intelligent, talented, handsome but has as much desire for me as the princess had her prince turned into a frog. For decades, depressed, in fog, I slogged losing abilities My once resonant voice unable to carry a song stamina exhausted libido all in my unfaithful eyesWith grandiose delusions dating from youth I self-mollify. My mood swings, my anger, my insecurities and paranoia My stubborn lack of humilityMy not paying attention to her My not understanding what she said, what she needed starting from the day we wed. Maybe before. All our loving kindness went out the door. For years we hardly spoke. When I tried I was too self centered. When I listened I was listening in the wrong way. My body language was wrong, I was P/A. To this day I wish I had listened when she suggested meds. She said I had taken away everything she had ever hoped for. Years latter, maybe ten She told me she had thought of leaving me thenbut decided against it for Danny’s sake.Once told me to get out. I didn’t budge. Next day, I got the first dose of months of silent treatment. I was too dense, too defended to get it through my thick head. Attempts at self-respect backfired. I tired 😴 more easily. More easily enraged. Engaged in work Acting more and more like a pompous, uptight jerk Told repeatedly I was too full of negativity. Sima said if I learned to talk with Beth My work problems would be solved That and if I learned to be like the successful teachers. When I spoke about my business. it collapsed. When I discussed trading, feeling I had to present to Sima modesty and deference and acknowledge I could never count on trading to make money, she told me how much I could gamble with. She told me I used therapy incorrectly. And that after 25 years. I was too intimidated to leave, too dependent Unable to work through my transference of dad. She and Eric said I misquoted them, misunderstoodBeth said I took things out of context. A guy in a previous group told me I misunderstood things. Cherry 🍒 pickingEnvying everyone’s good luck, good features and characteristics ignoring their pain, their suffering, their failings and inadequacies. I was a poster child 👶 of “You’re OK and I’m not.”Got milk, got talent?I had talent... for self condemnation. Resuming my projections on Beth I brought out the worst in her. I was a minor demi-god not of thunder or even acid rain But of a chilly, at times almost icy drizzle. Self fizzling for decadesHell bent on completing its rounds of the sun Like Mercury overheated Deep seeded twisted syndicated synapses endlessly causing self-sabotaging mishaps of compulsive talking and manic self-harm In tiny increments barley enough to cause a spark of alarm like old Old Lace and arsenic, poisoning myself slowly, imperceptibly, inevitably Inviting tiny drips of frequent, if not constant abuse which I echoed and amplified I thought it would be till the day I died I recreated this from early life experience with dad. I had been a master manipulator making everyone into a parent I alternately defended and sometimes made into hated hater.  So from what felt like, to my over sensitive, thin-skinned, craven brain What felt like in the main were constant barbsI found common solutions to the pain of these knives and knife-like barbs. Is this the reason I fear knives? If so, then from when do other violent thoughts intrusive spring?The thing isEverything when I’m in a mood blood black Doth ring the trigger of self-loathing. I just went out and drank more And though not helpful to diabetes control,I extolled sweets, 🍕 pizza, ice cream and beer Simply put, to comfort and send-medicate I did dedicate in defense of barbs The age old technique of simply eating more and more carbs. The meds have slowed my racing thoughts. If this poem is the only one you’ve caughtYou’ll say Really?Are you sure?Sima said speedy, you are speedy. Did she or was it others who added “needy and greedy?”In other poems there is more tranquility But that equanimity there Is not this bluest of blue, clear blue sky  mornings here. So about that slowing down you might frown that it never happened A figment of my over-active imagination While certainly better to use all this as fodder for inspiration The fact that I can’t at the moment get off the floor Argues against the veracity of saying there’s a sensational sensation of cessation of those racing thoughts...This poem doesn’t show it. so you might not know it...But in fact the meds have indeed slowed my racing thoughts. If they had not I suspect I would not have been able to thusly reflect Redirecting all this into words to hidden meaning detect, prospecting possibilities For more compassionate interactions. ***+**Of that...I am sure. ***Early in the morn. Sleepless, forlorn. Addicted to porn. Saturday, March 14, 2020I miss the groupFinally having found a place to feel in the loop. Ironic Just as this tonic took hold Reaching a therapeutic threshold Helping me become appropriately bold Fortunately before I’m too, too old Just as I have learned to relishshared laughter and compassionLess embellished I have ceased to complain that I can’t fit inalways against the grain. Yes ironic that I miss this social tonic. It has taken years and good hard work 😓 to become a more comfortable me. Now through an act of nature or the gods From animals trodding in sod did a novel virus cause us to reevaluate our priorities. Challenging times create people up to the challenge. Indeed my life has felt too easy in some way. That overprotected, decreasingly less confident and competent KenHas now joined the ranks of men. Then it’s thanks 🙏 to meds, Doc W, Ira, Eric, Sima too who as with my dad I had power and pedestal issues. In that past dayI couldn’t harness myself to the bayHorses 🐎 Or of course to Donkeys or a bullToo full of myself Mostly negatively hidden on a darkened shelf. Group may just be on hold. Or could be coming to an endAs all things do There are other friends to make Yet I feel sad as my contact with the folks with whom we shared many a joke and spoke freely of not for the first time, then as much any when... so...As my ego calms a bit Aided by a afore undeveloped wit I get my show finally, at long last Ready to go on the roads: The high as well as With equanimity along the low. And so it doth go.As Saint Nick perhaps might have or has not spuriously said “Ho, Ho and a quick dance 💃 through the pretty pristine snow. All aglow from hearty hearth I know around the corner is another engaging and possibly fine day... So go slow.Enjoy the process as if with a princess and a young prince both eager to learn Eager to learn and grow readying for the spring thaw and flow which inevitably follow the winter’sFallow fields, resting, rejuvenating. This on some deep levelWe all do know.”****Intrusive thoughts of anger, violence and just plain old pleasant lust Like creativity connected to the unconscious lava flow are part and parcel of primary process. It may not be possible to have one without the other, my little brother. As Buddhists say Let all thoughts play Themselves out Give to meta cognitive a good old shout out about letting these effortlessly fly through the mental bright day and resplendent night skies like clouds singing their inspiration without attachment or irritation. ****Drinking earlier in the day As I stay out of the house, away from lonely 😞 bedroom I share sometimes with wife Makes me act stranger than...Hey! I’ve had a conservative life Especially with aforementioned wife. ****Call me flip. Call me a disloyal drip. I am so lonely I feel like going to a club where beautiful women strip. ***Meds can’t keep me on the up and up all the time. I have to do a little work, I find. I’ve been counting my blessings. One could endlessly complain. Do the next right thing. That works in the morning. Couldn’t hurt to try it all dayAt least until half past five When my dinner and drinks start to arrive. ****Beth’s correctionsHere making fun of me There irritated or contemptuous Though she has changed Largely for the better Here and there and Not continuously that I’m aware...So is my strangeness of late Difficulties getting out of the gate Confusion about the markets?My poor decisions. I’ve never done this badly before. Well, there’s always tomorrow. My compulsive trading has cost me a small fortune. Find a dollar Lose a dollar. I’ve seen this movie 🎥 movie 🍿 before. My grandfather 👴 lost half in the crash Yet still keep his home and store. 

Friday, March 13, 2020

Are people so dense 

They turn as blind an eye as Pence?

People are dying 

Yet they’re still buying endless lying…

Hocus POTUS

Crops failed Trade wars brought more distress Markets collapsed Treason helping Russia 🇷🇺 Eviscerate our security He who claims no responsibility Is loved by evangelicals as the highest purity. After all he is the chosen one. With that one, his god must have had some fun. ****1946Two births in a Queens hospital. One’s dad taught his son to play a few financial tricks. The other’s dad came to this country laying bricks. Oh, what that bricklayer’s son could have been. Chances were thin considering His upbringing without platinum spoon up his...Family tree. Could be that his folks start as immigrants poorHis working from the age of four at their Eventually profitable storeHis failures and humiliationsNever a vacation From the books While his counterpart cooked his books. Looked a bit askance. At a veterans dance 💃 He met his future wife A career officer for life. While the other claimed to be a special services op developing the nicknameAgent Orange - in part as he shook hands After being exposed at close range to the Coronavirus Saying his doctor advised him not to be tested. Then said he was tested. If he doesn’t share the honest results What do you mean if?He said he took hydroxychloroquineCould his family’s three trusts own stock in the drug’s manufacturer?A manufactured factAn alternative fact. As with his tax returns in “endless audit”Pundits may pontificate while his base applauds it. So we can’t trust what he says. It’s hard to imagine his being bested when it comes to being tested for untruth is his wayThe way of the propagandizing populist pig “A nasty question” he says was when she asked about his disbanding the office of endemic planning. The POTUS said he takes “No responsibility.”As usual, he was hobbled or framed, foiled, roiled and rolled in conspiracy theories bought hook, line and sinker by the stinker so called lying folks at the government media. Don’t book trips through Expedia. Don’t give to the poor, the needy, or certainly not the nerdy or sick. Because through many a well-played slick and sickening trick The greedier charity of the POTUS is said to be infinitely needier. ****Whiplash… makes me… short of cash. ****I want to feel her breasts. So bouncy and light. Full as her smile quite bright. ****Here I am. Where else would I be?I am here drunk feeling quite free. Not out of my mind but more than usual. Inspiration flows. Profits grow. But ouch about this week’s and yesterday’s Optimally abysmal trades I let myself be played. Only a few hours offMy decisions still did not lead to hysteria or fits of coughs. It’s not so much holding myself aloft More like I just float. Observing my ups and downs like A movie in a boat. If I am to play this game In the main I have to have restraint Paint impulses obscured, unconscious Colore quietly more faint, subdued. Here I am less glued To the screen I am here drunk feeling quite free. ****Why orally fixated?Personal history long, long-dated?Now that I’ve been matedThree decades plus Must find an answerYes sir!Yes Ma’am. I finding who I really am. No more self-denying scams. A body and mental scan reveals strengths I. Those thar hills. I suspect they will grow stronger with use Until there is no excuse to not stop ✋ the medical pills. Thrills taken more on an even keel Keep me more in balance I feel. No longer kneeling, genuflecting in my own Jewish way to stay in the good side of dad and his astral projections from my overactive cortex. Instead, I write, compose, email and text. No longer perplexed about how to contentedly, confidentiality live out my yearsWith fewer beers and no unnecessary tears. *****Ira feels I make money off of others suffering. I do not want anyone to stuffer. I certainly do not want to cause suffering. Not for myself, not for my wife, not for my son, my friends, people unknown- not even for political adversaries though I wish they could see what I see and I understand what they feel. Compassion always has appeal. This next point, though not a big deal Is quite real. He ignores that others make money off of my suffering. Of course many people sell at a profit which still appears to be a reasonable entry point. And sometimes it is wise to sell at a loss when you need the money especially when the trade winds are headed against the sails of your clipper ship. This is my trade - my trade and stock -and Bonds - and metals - the seas they are a changing Ranging wildly with volatility hitherto unknown to me at least Can one take this beast Enough to occasionally feast?I sometimes dip to the depths being a bottom fisher Sometimes being a momentum player makes one richer. Other times, other strategies. To say I’m a chaser of the ambulance  Is a parlance a step too far. Of course I bar these from my mindNot 🤔 thinking of either kind when trading. Just wading in the pond waiting like a happy frog For a reasonable price to arise out of the fog. Frogs have patience and for that and cuteness: fame. A game as it were/ sometimes manic and once in a while when I pile mistakes into the abyss of wrongheaded ideascommitment escalating results definitely not nice. Somehow my emotions seem less and less involved in mistakesHead fakes And from each misstepI give myself a little pep Talk then Ken gets up again Brushes off the dust As he mustCleans 🧼 the much more musty Remote past at long last Easier in fact daily becoming just The next thing to do Who would have thought I could have bought After such bad trades yesterday and last month As I must learn It’s taken long enough to be my turn. Not Schadenfreude as my personal Freud Would have it just the cost Of doing business, not giving up the ghost. Others have made the same mistakes. More experienced traders yesterday threw in the towel, the kitchen sink even the garden hose and rake. I take my lumps riding the waves and bumps In the road. If this I how I choose to make moneyI will approach it with an attitude more sunny. Now is the cause of my losses something to do with the way I’m using therapy?As I did with Sima and Eric the pattern is the same. I create, I write, compose, at one time even did paint. Then the projections did go dark and deep. It did upon me so unnoticeably creep.What was that?An over dependence Shutting down my self-reliant resilience. Perhaps not brilliance But it is the part the keeps me on track On target In chargeOf myself at large. Then instead of profits as my self-loathing Growing resurrected from under mental rocks This mold, thus old decay and festering rot Got a hold of me- quite often and a lot. I thought of smoking pot Might have helped, but I did not. So now the next step is to listen to myself. Take my lumps Ride learning from the bumps I am a man of letters, a man of the art of music, a man who is a good father- no, not perfect, as everyone has defects More and more I am reasonably, comfortably sure that my motives are pure. Each day presents presents 🎁 galore. ****Oops, I did it again Said Ken. When selling during the markets’ tankKen has only him self to thank. Thursday, March 12, 20020In defense of Pence He’s not so dense While sitting on the fence Hence, whence having abilities to keep a stone face Waiting his turn to earn the golden POTUS potHe seeks but probably will notStop 🛑 plotting, being an ace Of controlled stone face With his rigid seeming lack of agilityNot showing a trace Of disbelief Or anxiety or grief Over how to spin What the leader doth grinninglyImprovise out of thin air, with amazingly full hair not one out of place above that stone face with nary a care Who dies from his copious lies Though even with that face of stone He does not own The skill to lie like his boss (Who to our beloved nation is an albatross)Who has perfected propaganda Like a panda 🐼 drunk 🥴 on too much bamboo His loyalty to the wannabe crowned clown prince of Orange Astounds.In charge of Coronavirus response His experience questioning the science behind Health risks from smoking are stoking More fear that the POTUS Cares more about Putin Than those brainwashed folks who for him are rootin’ and root-toot-tootin’.****++***My occasionally being slightly 🧏‍♀️ hard of hearingIs not always endearingA colleague asked “Why at long lastDo you not want your music to be 😞 hurt?”“Hurt?” I asked”“Heard,” he clarified. I replied “I just answered your question.”***Perhaps it’s not In spite of my thousands of failures and humiliations that I have a wonderful life. It is because of them. It is because of them AND The resilience I learned from my parents. AND May be inborn in all of us AND Expressed...Expressed, repeatedly, successfully, each time more potent, to the point, quicker AND If and only if In infancy It is not crushed. ******%{][{#%^^**The straw that almost broke the 🐪 camel’s back The one that strengthenedAllowing him to keep his wits and appropriately act Not succumbing to a disease from a bat Or any other attack. ****Agent Orange gave a speech Presidential- at least for that leech. Dissembled about testing to keep the numbers down Imposing a draconian ban even on European commerce were not enough for this clown Who came round to his infinitely soundPointing of fingers The distaste still lingers StillAnd Yet After he blew his horn and did get Off his chest his boasting, he tried For ten minutes to lead. And lead he didAlmost successfully succeed indeed With hair -could it be dyed?In place and for once a non-smirking face Hard to keep track, keep paceWith the ten - only ten times only that Yes, Presidential, this reality show actorA bad actor, the treasonous agent of at least one foreign malefactor, tried Yes he tried for ten minutes And still heHe lied. Wednesday, March 11, 20020The Fable of the pox promulgated by the pox propped by Fox Coronavirus 👑 has us in a tizzy.Not helpful is the leadership of that overly tanned orange 🍊 Tin Lizzie of a POTUSWhose every word and deed is bogusFocused with his hypnotizing grotesqueLocus of self-serving, con man, snake 🐍 oilSalesman making my blood boil.While he soils his soul (though that’s his biz)It boils down to soiling our ConstitutionOur once great 👍 institutionsThe American Way corrupted byA dictator-in training fouling and foilingThis dictator in dirty diapersToiling to make his take greatHis estate greaterThe state of our once greater nationIn peril as seas rise drowning coastal plantations and more humble dwellingsHuman rights caged compelling fears there’s no telling the atrocities his base will endureIgnore and applaud!!!in the face of crop failuresMarket collapseWhat goes on in their brainwashed synapsesIs truly a lapse in historical perspective.Minds not defectivebut deceived by those with foreign help elected.1937 buy your brown shirts 👕 I said Brown!Though red, tomato red 🍅 is more the color of his once grand old party 🎈 the color of blood 🩸 redThe color of the wounds of the recently deadAnd slowly dying from the effects of his endless lying.Yes buy your MAGA hats, T-shirtsStay at the hotels he ownsKeep him fat, front and centerThe talk of the townHis ego demands an ever greater obsequious renownWhile he’ll probably stop 🛑 short of wearing a crown 🤴To please this clown 🤡Buy those brown shirts brownDenying testing to keep the numbers downHe delayed testing, keep people at risk on boatsSo he could brag and boastThat from coast to coastWe are the most prepared.Few dared to contradict.Less they be fired“You’re fired” 🔥His favorite wordsA power junkieTo get this monkey 🐒 off our backsAnd free us from treasonous attacksLetting Russian 🤖 botsWreak havoc in our ballot boxThis pox promulgated by FoxYes, a Pox from Fox 🦊Round the clocksKnock your socks offHit it out of the parkRound the blockHospital rounds overbookedBacklogged overwhelmed by cuts he madeIn his presidential charadeThis greatest president in any decade prayed to the gods of greed and lust not caring- even hoping for the rest of the world 🌎 to go bustHe prays and prayed on those least able...This fabled genius of self-serving “let them eat cake” 🍰Is a fake, a fraud and a failureAs Tom Steyer saidNow let’s get the lead out of our Resistance.It won’t be easy to improve our immune systems when overwhelmed by those cuts he madeTo all necessary government departmentsIncluding alarming slashingto services needed for endemic planning.Mother Nature 🌳 🌺 🌲 provoked when a species is out of balanceNo 👎 need for Devine interventionJust mention the crimes of the Republican Guard in cooked up in republican conversations at Republican conventions in the service of making us a US ofBanana RepublicansWhat’s moreHis beloved trade wars make the poor more poor pouring gold and dollars 💵 into his craven, crotchety cronies’ purses 👜 with his used car 🚗 salesman pitch he drives the world into a ditch.To hear more specifics of his horrific actsScroll back to the poem from my debutwhere audience members were few.And while “music may make some lose control”While I don’t exactly extolhis virtueless, vitriolic criticismof democrats and decency with witticismAnd endlessly complainHumor, in the main keeps me somewhat sane.So let’s reframe this long refrainInto something pithy and shortThe court it out aboutIt’s about time to end his crimes Coronavirus 👑 does not have to keep us in a tizzy.Even with that overly tanned orange 🍊 Tin LizzieSet our prioritiesGet busy.