The Aging King

12/25/16

The Aging King Parts I & II

Part I

The aging king sees himself as a repository of his ancestors from time immemorial.

They make up every fiber of his being. They are not happy. He has squandered his life of riches on self-indulgence. For this they did not suffer the infinite indignities of their many lives! 

There were times the old king did the right thing. He helped his people in times of war and famine. He gave to the sick. He helped the infirm of mind. He was a noble spirit in his youth. As time marched slowly, inevitably so did his moral fiber imperceptibly disintegrate.

While it is not completely true that he lived now only for pleasure, it is more true that he lives now only for peace. He does not find it in his excesses. A glimmer in his eye, perhaps he sees a dim barely perceptible possibility that he can assist the younger generations find the tranquility he so desperately seeks.

Part II 

The aging king dresses up as a petty dictator. Fidel and Che Guevara seem like real leaders to him. Real men. He always felt like a fraud, an imposter. He lacked the spine to impose the rules, the type of law that would order his society, order his mind. He couldn't get his mind around the basics. Perhaps he thought he had ADHD- it struck him as funny, pathetic too- a king who couldn't rule his own mind.

 a king who couldn't rule his own mind.

He went from one extreme to the other: authoritarianism to anarchy. He knew of cognitive distortion but could not utilize its wisdom.

The ancient spirits would not let him rest. Perhaps he had multiple personalities - and or other disorders. Perhaps he just wasn't meant to be king. Maybe he was copping out. Anyone, he thought, could "rise to the occasion." Why not he?  It had to do a with his parents.

It was their fault. 

 They made life too easy. Didn't give him the spartan training which made Marcus Aurelius great. Alexander was great too. History was littered with the likes of the aging king. Most people he thought were pretty much like him. But they didn't have his responsibilities- or did they?

Walt Disney supposedly said when asked why he made movies: "People need hope— over and over again- every day."

They also need discipline -- and disco... disco?

Disco? The aging king had liked Donna Summer in his younger days. By "disco" he meant "fun."

He has an insatiable need to be loved. Ironically the more he sought it, the fewer the number of people there were who liked him. Amazing, he thought that he had not been deposed by a coup.

Was there something good about him? Something his subjects liked that he could not see when he looked in his emotional mirrors?

Lathered up his face and gave himself a good shave. Looked forty years younger. Lost the cigar, enlisted as a private in his own army. Left his wisest general in charge.

 What he didn't learn as a child he would learn now. He knew it would be infinitely more difficult to accept his failures and pull himself up by his bootstraps. Maybe he would learn to be the man he felt he could be- or he would die trying.