The tiger and the pariah
(a parable of a journal entry)
3/12/16
The tiger devoured his Cubs.
He did not want to hurt them, so he swallowed them whole. The pariah said that makes no sense. Tiger ate lion. Then he said I will gobble you next. The pariah said, “If that is what you will do, I cannot stop you.”
Tiger in all his ferocity lunged at the man screaming, “You, puny human, you have no power; your words are vile. Your very existence offends me.”
His jaws were inches from the man's face when suddenly the tiger collapsed on the ground, a heap of smoldering ashes.
Yuri A. Nuss after emigrating as a child, learned American sports. He grew to be a major league star for the Tigers.
Yuri never had enough self-esteem. So he constantly sought to build himself up in his own mind—more money, more physical power…
You’re never Enough!
If I had money, more than that, courage, I would find ways to harness my creativity in ever more self-respecting ways. I sometimes do this but invite victimization by adolescents, then their parents, administrators, colleagues. The very nature of my work is social, and I need so much alone time. It is not that I do not like being with people. I just need a different balance than the average person. Do I have any intelligence? Or just unfocused dilettantism?
True, last week I was productive and made good money also. I was alone most of the time.
I wonder if other people have done the type of therapy where you draw your own ink blots then write a description of what you see. Is it important whether or not I have invented this?
I crave recognition and money to feel independent.
It is far safer to try my hand at new things constantly rather than put my energies into what I know best. Of course with my collaboration with Dennis Yerry, I am moving through my fear.
Yet there is a freshness to music for me now that I enjoy the other arts as well.
Out of cold ashes, I pick myself up out of a heap. A fallen tiger suddenly faces men inches from their jaws. Offense is mutual, but not in Omaha… ha.